Disregard the Ubiquitous Advice: Debunking Misconceptions About Self-Confidence

Pick up any personal development book and turn its pages. The single concept that you come across the most, even so frequently that you will see it on almost every page, is undoubtedly self-confidence.

It takes its place as a recommendation in every list, it is frequently mentioned in interview questions, and articles with self-confidence in the title reach thousands of reads. In short, being self-confident is on its way to becoming a serious urban legend.

Thinking that it is necessary to revise the stereotyped personal development myths in a realistic way, I have compiled the well-known mistakes for you by attaching the advice that, contrary to the usual, does not remain in the air and abstract.

❌False: Self-confidence is an innate feature or a talent.

✅Truth: Self-confidence is not something you actually have, it is something you decide to have.

Think of the people you would describe as the most successful and happiest: are they successful or happy because they are the richest or the most talented? Or is it because they decided to trust themselves at some point and go after what they dreamed of? The first step you need to take is that you really want to be self-confident and decide to do so, in other words, do not lose faith in yourself because you are not naturally self-confident.

❌False: Accept yourself as you are, try to love yourself with your mistakes.

✅Fact: Accepting yourself does not mean completely ignoring your shortcomings.

Thinking over and over about your flaws, shortcomings, past mistakes and feeling guilty about them will not bring you any benefit in the long run, and will cause your mood and self-confidence to remain constantly low, but it is useful to be realistic: it is not possible to ignore them completely. .

Focus on how not to repeat your mistakes, and be careful to treat your flaws as obstacles that every person has, which varies from person to person, but can be changed.

List on a piece of paper your physical characteristics (e.g. being overweight), character traits (e.g. generally having a pessimistic attitude) and habits (e.g. an unhealthy diet) that you see as flaws in yourself, and then think about what you can do about them.

If you are complaining about your excess weight and unhealthy eating habits, for example, make a decision that you are aware of that you need to make in the long term, such as not consuming junk food, even if it will be difficult to implement in the beginning and try to maintain it.

❌False: The moment you learn to be self-confident, a new door will open in your life and your perspective on events will change completely. In short, there is a permanent self-confidence in individuals who can develop this ability.

✅ Fact: There is no rule that self-confidence, once gained, will remain forever.

American author Zin Ziglar says, “It is said that motivation is not permanent. Showering is also not permanent, so it is recommended to take it every day.” He actually summarized the situation quite well by saying.

Every day, you need to read something inspiring and remind yourself of your dreams, your goals, and that there are other people who achieve it, so something called impossible is actually impossible.

Yes, unfortunately every day: Listen to podcasts, read self-help books, follow motivational blogs and development magazines.

Follow people who are in the place you dream of, even hang a picture or poster on the wall of your room or on your desk that will remind you of your goal; You have complete freedom in how you motivate yourself. The important thing is that you renew your enthusiasm and motivation regularly every day and maintain it for as long as possible.

❌False: The main point you should focus on is your past mistakes and learning from them.

✅Truth: It's good to focus on your mistakes, but you can also learn from your successes and gains.

It is certainly easier to remember your failures than to remember the countless times you succeeded. You may have received high grades in the same course countless times, but when the course is mentioned, you do not get any other grades other than the very low grade you received in the last exam.

In his best-selling book, The Success Principles, Jack Canfield elaborates on this: your successes are the primary driver of your thinking, and the point you need to address is what you did right each time you were successful.

So how can you do this? Here's a suggestion for you:

Divide your life into three. For example, if you are 30 years old, the age ranges are 0-10, 11-20 and 21-30. In each of these intervals, write down three things you are proud of having achieved, so you should have 9 achievements in total. Try to remember what you felt when you achieved these.

Did these things scare you, stress you out, and make you feel like you weren't enough before you got them? Your answer is yes, isn't it? So, is there any reason why the things you dream or aim for are not just like these achievements? Well, if you can think of a reason, remember that you would probably answer this question before you achieved these successes.

❌False: You should be interested in hobbies that will add something to you and bring returns in the long term.

✅Truth: Make time for things you love and don't feel like you have to prove yourself.

You have just finished a busy work/school period, or you have a completely free day to yourself. What would you like to spend this day doing? So, on a day when you are sad or in a low mood, what do you choose to do to cheer yourself up?

Your answer may not be to read a classic novel or visit a museum, which is quite natural. You may enjoy going into the kitchen, taking amateur photos, or gardening, and these activities may even include turning on music in your room, dancing to your heart's content, or watching a few episodes of your favorite TV series.

Whatever happens; Making time for such activities means that you value yourself, and even if you are not aware of it, they have an unconscious effect on your self-confidence. Of course, this does not mean that you should spend all your free time with such activities, but keep in mind that you need a break even during your busiest period.