New Findings from a 20-Year Study: 10 Habits to Boost Your Emotional Resilience

Have you ever been left with a really difficult situation? Even though we sometimes want to give up many times, we know that we must continue on our way. It is at this point that our emotional resilience comes into play.

How do some people continue to move forward even under the most difficult circumstances? Steven Southwick and Dennis Charney searched for the answer to this question for 20 years. He spoke with Vietnam prisoners of war, Special Forces instructors, those with medical conditions, and civilians who had been subjected to horrific experiences such as abuse and trauma.

In their book Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life's Greatest Challenges, they shared the common characteristics of people who do not lose their strength as conditions get harder.

So what can we learn from them to increase our emotional resilience?

1) Be realistically optimistic.

Yes, no matter how dark it is, trying to look in the direction of the light allows you to continue your life. However, what we are talking about here is not seeing life as rosy as Pollyanna.

People who can survive even the most difficult situations, such as Special Forces, are people who have found the balance of looking at life positively without compromising reality.

In the book, this subject is summarized as follows:

“Realistically optimistic people, like pessimists, pay close attention to the negative things they encounter. However, they do not dwell on negative things like pessimistic people do. They try to solve seemingly unsolvable problems by dividing them. In other words, thanks to their awareness, they understand exactly what problem they are facing and then know how to find a solution.”

Laurence Gonzales found the same thing when he studied survivors of life-threatening scenarios: These people balance positivity with realism.

2) Face your fears.

Neuroscience says that the most productive way to deal with fear is to confront it.

The more we run away from the things we fear, the more we become afraid. Fears become less scary the more they are confronted.

“To extinguish the fire of a dominant fear, a person must be exposed to fear-inducing stimuli in a safe environment and this must last long enough for the brain to form a new attitude. Brain imaging systems show that the capacity of the PFC (Prefrontal cortex) needs to be strengthened to inhibit amygdala-based fear responses. “Various confrontational approaches in the treatment of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, phobias, and anxiety disorders have been shown to significantly reduce these fears.”

Special Forces' perspectives when faced with the most terrifying situations are often common: “I'm scared, but I can learn something from this,” or “This is a test that will make me stronger.”

Think positively and face our fears. Good advice, but what are the things that deep down develop us through life's challenges?

3) Always have a moral compass.

As a result of their research, Southwick and Charney noticed that people with high emotional resilience had a high right/wrong distinction. Even though these people were in difficult times that could threaten their lives, they thought not only of themselves but also of others.

“In our interviews, we saw that individuals with high emotional resilience hold on to life thanks to their sharp right/wrong distinctions that make them stronger during periods of stress and following trauma.”

Researchers summarize the essence of a program called “The Giraffe Project” that helps children develop good values:

“Keep your head up and always do the right thing.”

4) Feel yourself as part of a whole.

This is the most important element researchers have found to overcome any tragedy.

“Dr. Amad found that people with high spirituality and religious beliefs were more successful in moving on in life.”

What if you're not a very religious person?

Much of the strength that comes from religious activities comes from being part of a community. So you don't have to do something you don't believe in; But it will be helpful to be part of a group that strengthens your resolve.

“For example, the relationship between resilience and faith may be explained by the social quality of religious activities. The word 'Religion' comes from the Latin 'religare', meaning 'to bind'. Etymologically, it emerged as a symbol of connecting people.”

So, it is important to be part of a group that has beliefs, even if it is not religious. What if you're not part of any group?

5) Don't be afraid to get social support.

Even if you're not part of a religion or community, friends and loved ones are key when life gets tough.

When Admiral Robert Shumaker was captured in Vietnam, he was isolated from other captives and subjected to much torture. How did he maintain his determination?

By knocking on the wall of his cell. So other inmates heard this and responded. It's ridiculously simple, but “knocking on the wall” lets them know they're not alone in their pain. This situation went down in history as “tap code”.

Our brains need social support to function at their best. Connecting with other people calms your mind, reduces stress, and increases oxytocin.

“Oxytocin acts to reduce amygdala activation and arousal, while positive support from others helps reduce stress.” —Heinrichs, 2009

6) Find your role models.

What do you find when you examine children who grow up in poor conditions but go on to live productive and healthy lives?

They have role models who set a positive example and support them.

“Psychologist Emmy Werner studied the lives of children raised by alcoholic, abusive and mentally ill parents and observed that among them, children with high emotional resilience were much more productive and healthy. Because these children had their own role models that they admired.” (Werner, 1993; Werner & Smith, 1992)

We don't always have people around us that we can take as role models. Southwick and Charney found that having bad role models was often enough. Even if you don't know who you will be, it is also important to know who you will not be.

7) Maintain your physical fitness.

Researchers have found that emotional resilience is directly related to physical fitness.

“Many of the resilient individuals we interviewed have a regular exercise habit, which greatly helps them recover from traumatic events. “Some say it's how they hold on to life.”

If you are emotionally fragile, physical fitness is even more important to you:

“The stress of exercise helps us adapt to the stress we feel when life challenges us.”

8) Keep your brain strong.

Emotionally resilient people are often lifelong learners. They continue to grow their minds, learn, and adapt to new information about the world.

“Research conducted by Cathie Hammond in 2004 has shown that lifelong learning is important in many areas (achieving well-being from mental health difficulties, maintaining and recovering from mental health, capacity to cope with potentially stressful circumstances, self-esteem, self-efficacy, sense of purpose and hope, competencies). and social integration) proved to be beneficial.”

9) Try to gain cognitive flexibility.

We all generally have a way of coping with adversity, what distinguishes resilient people is being able to use a range of ways to cope with stressful situations.

“Resilient people tend to be cognitively flexible. They do not have a specific coping style against stress and difficulties. Their thinking is flexible and they make the best use of the situation.”

In many war movies, we can see soldiers pranking each other even in difficult situations. Have you ever wondered why?

“Humor has been proven effective as a coping mechanism. When humor is used to reduce the threatening nature of stressful situations, it increases resilience and the capacity to tolerate stress. (Martin, 2003)”

10) Find the meaning in what you do.

Resilient people don't treat their work as just work. They fill their work with meaning and define a purpose. This keeps them going no matter how bored or fed up they are.

“When we look at Frankl's service concept, giving meaning to a job and doing it increases one's endurance. This is true even for people who do what society calls “dirty/hard work” (e.g. hospital cleaners) and people who have difficulty pursuing their chosen career.”

Editor's Note and Final Thoughts:

Let's give a brief summary:

1) Realistic optimism: See the world clearly but believe in your abilities and yourself.

2) Face your fears: Hiding from fear makes it worse. Confront and overcome.

3) Have a moral compass: A strong sense of right and wrong tells us we must when we feel like we can't.

4) Feel part of a whole: Be part of a group that believes in each other and has a sense of purpose.

5) Don't be afraid to get social support: Sometimes just knock on the wall of your cell, even the slightest interaction will help you.

6) Imitate role models: Have people you know you don't want to be like, or adapt the behavior of a role model you admire.

7) Physical fitness: Exercise strengthens your body against stress.

8) Be a life-long learner: Keeping your brain sharp will give you solutions when you need them most.

9) Remember that there are many ways to cope: Sometimes you can get through difficult times with humor, sometimes with deep thinking.

10) Remember the meaning: Don't just do one job. Give it meaning and act with a sense of purpose.